PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
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A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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