Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
