My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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