he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
