What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
