I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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