so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
