smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you never un-have a 4some
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
