as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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