Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
