You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
