If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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