i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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