I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
