Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
