think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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