my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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