So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
