sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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