just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
