Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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