How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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