Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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