can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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