so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
