Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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