mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
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Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
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party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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