Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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