y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
