Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
