Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize