What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
