I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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