i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How does it feel to date your dad?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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