hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
