We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
