Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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