that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
