she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
