So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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