surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
