Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
