i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
