i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
