Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
is your mom at the bar?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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