Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
