i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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