I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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