when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
