I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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