just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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