I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
