Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
