Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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