I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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