I haven't been this sober since birth.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
