put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this beer tastes like vomit already
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Randomize
