I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
