This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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