I got chris browned last night
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
