Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
