It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
