So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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