Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
