I feel like I'm in dance class right now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
