So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
