my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
