if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
