Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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