I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
