So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
