wrigley field is MILF paradise
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
