I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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