What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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