I think my fart just growled at me.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
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John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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the gays at disneyland are vicious
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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